You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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