So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
