ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
