Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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