I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
