I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
