Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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