Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
