Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
