At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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