i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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