Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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