You can't special order awesome
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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