My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
