dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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