life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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