the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have tasted many bathrooms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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