some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pants are for mortals
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
