That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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