someone threw a dead crab at me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
