on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
