addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
