On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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