Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
