Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
