i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
