quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
