I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
