Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
