I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
