Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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