His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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