Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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