Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
