I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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