Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
