well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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