Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
