about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's blow job season.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
