Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
