I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
