ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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