she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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