I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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