Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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