I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
