the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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