Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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