how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
