I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
