i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
