I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
