Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
