During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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