You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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